I Listen To Lana Del Rey’s “Shades Of Cool” and Recognize Myself In Her Lover by Ari Eastman

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I Listen To Lana Del Rey’s “Shades Of Cool” And Recognize Myself In Her Lover

When I was 6 years old,
I told my mother there was too much blue.
Everywhere I looked, buildings rooftops,
hopscotch chalk, the ice cream truck that came
singing down the street, everything seemed
tinged with blue.

I didn’t like the ocean because the color was too familiar.
I made a habit out of declining invitations to pool parties.
Not today, I’d say.
Not now.

Now, 24, with a sticky heart that keeps slipping out
through every crack in my ribcage,
I still see blue in every shade.
Shouldn’t I have outgrown this?
Shouldn’t my eyes adjust
to a different palette?

It is hard to remember the sun is
warm, melted butter yellow
if I’m squinting at the sky
and all I see
is blue.

Ari Eastman

Ari Eastman is a spoken word poet, writer, activist, and dog mother. Her work has been highlighted in Thought Catalog and The Rising Phoenix Review. She is also the author of two collections of poetry. She’d love to be friends. But she’ll like you more if you have a dog. You can follow her here: twitter.com/ivegottatheory