New Year’s Resolution: Kiss Myself at Midnight by Kiki Nicole

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New Year’s Resolution: Kiss Myself at Midnight

2016 sits in a corner somewhere
and I want to ask her out on a date

When I do,
she uses all of my correct pronouns,
kisses me on the forehead at the door,
calls me handsome princess
and this time we both believe it.

I sext her:
what r u wearing rn

and before she can reply,
I send her another text
(because anxiety)

I say,
whatever it is, put a jacket over it
let’s take our Crazy out for a walk

So we do.

We let them hold hands and walk in front of us.
See how happy they are together?
How honest the bleeding

2016 teaches me how to do my makeup right.
She doesn’t believe in shine or gloss,
puts powder over my lips and buys only the brightest of reds for me to wear.

We both know it’s about time I admit to the wounds
closest to my skin.
See, I usually let them fester.

Last year doused my lips in dark wines and velvet reds­­—

anything to look like internal bleeding.
I hinted at my hurt like a subtle pout.
You would really have to get close
and even then,
who could ever tell?

Last year never kissed me goodbye.

Last year didn’t hold me in his arms,
just locked me in his throat.

He texted me:
i’m done with you
a couple of months too late.

Last year said my Crazy was too Crazy
and not as hot as before.
It had grown hungry
and ugly
and so like a woman.

Last year told me I would never be loved again as long as I am in this body.

Yet here I am,
unraveling before another year,

rolling her name around with my tongue
as if I never had a Hallelujah to begin with.

Kiki Nicole

Kiki Nicole is a writer currently living in Portland, Oregon. Their work has been featured in Bitchtopia Magazine, Voicemail Poems, Drunk in a Midnight Choir, The Fem Lit and several anthologies. They work in publishing for Where Are You Press and keep a blog at They would like you to know that they are trying.