For the Daughter I Could Never Be & the One That I Am by Sarah June Arnall

n by Inna Mosina

For the Daughter I Could Never Be & the One That I Am

The autopsy report says 20 minutes elapsed
in your car between onset & death.
I carried it in my purse for 12 months without telling anybody.
I folded it in perfect squares so I could pull it out and study it
whenever I needed proof that you weren’t taken
from me but given; that you guided
yourself toward heaven
with your own damned light
like a lie raised in glory or softened with a smile,
sure that we’d all be better off without you.
They say there’s no understanding suicide
& the moment it’s mentioned we have
to close our eyes to it because it’s
nearly incomprehensible.
I step out of the mild dark
into the fragile light, and I see
why we are better than all the reasons we’ve
ever failed others but are blind
to the same truth about ourselves.

Sarah June Arnall

Sarah June Arnall is a firm believer that the personal is political. She just received her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Central Florida and loves to write in her spare time.